The Love Song of Imagination – XI

I am but a lonely scholar,

unheralded and woebegone.

Hidden in an unknown corner of the world,

behind books and thoughts in complete disarray.

 

And all because, I once read, as a child,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And I hid myself, Dear Wife of Mine,

I hid myself so well that I completely forgot who I am.

 

And now I realise, that in my love song,

There was neither love nor song.

Nor was it well imagined after all.

I just hoped to meander into the tune after all.

 

The olden tomes masked my scent with their dust,

and words of confusion dripped down my spine,

I was seldom in a sane state of mind,

Dear Wife, please forgive me my this singular crime.

 

I was in a dreadful state,

abandoned to an unenviable fate,

forgotten how to stand at erection,

humbly debasing myself with umpteen corrections.

 

Unconnected, In this state of sin,

the tiniest sinew of faith shimmering with a glint,

reminding me of all I had lost,

while I tried to make sense of Proust.

 

Active vocations were an unthinkable exertion,

I was always in a state of reduction,

I was just trying to make sense of what had gone wrong,

and had almost decided that I wasn’t sufficiently strong.

 

Alone, oh so terribly alone,

I might have died or turned to stone,

an open book my humble grave,

of its empty words I had turned a slave.

 

Dear Wife of mine, this wait was far too long,

When I looked at Gaussians I saw a thong.

In this decrepit embarrassing state.

playing the part of a Fool on the world’s stage.

 

Playing that part to complete perfection,

All I had left was my utter dedication.

A promise in remembrance of some other time,

I always have wondered why I hated lime.

 

By being reminded of you, I am reminded of myself,

By thinking of you, I rediscover myself.

You, my dear, a Sylph of the perfumed garden,

My life, my love that I had so cruelly forgotten.

 

Now the times have turned,

and clocks gone wrong,

hearts break and things fall down.

In this weird cosmogony that we find ourselves,

I have rediscovered your passion for myself.

 

And this excitement that makes hearts flutter so,

this love that dares to speak its name,

and heralds itself in front of God’s very Throne,

 

And with His granted permission,

I seek to court you,

to teach you to love me,

and learn how to cherish you.

Songs are not that difficult to write

<Country Blues Song in the key of A(or whatever)>

Well, you got married

And I didn’t kill myself.

Took the plunge,

somehow I survived.

But now, oh babe,

your arms will be the coffin to my grave.

the coffin to my grave.

Yeah, you look at me,

with your black black eyes.

And as you come closer, I know

I just know,

that your arms shall be the noose around my neck.

Oh I am gonna get strung

when the law catches me.

Yet I got no fear,

ain’t got no time for doubt,

for there are no snitches here,

no lawmen about.

Making love to you,

I am happy as a cow.

Moo moo moo,

I gotta run now.

<Playing stops here>

<In a low somewhat mischievous voice>

And see about your sister.

======================================

Tell me, isn’t that a good Country Blues song? Gotta put some music to this.

Edit: Songs are pretty finking easy aren’t they? This took me like 10 mins from initial conception to final publication, so I apologize for the rough edges and whatever.

Good Deeds are NOT a Compulsion

The Good books are filled with misguided literature on how Piety and other assorted ills of the human nature are a duty of the soul – After all the Good prevails – and we must do our part in raising the Banner and uplifting the Standard and unfurling the Flag of Heaven as a divine proof of His Mastery Over Satan (or whatever flavor you prefer your boogeymen in). 

But, irl, misguided Good Deeds are the worst problem facing the Universe atm. Even serial murders and Genocide specialists are convinced that they are just doing God’s work, obviously, because God has a secure direct line with them.

I find, the best way to quantify God – A MIRROR REFLECTING THE MOVES OF YOUR LIFE – a dynamic reflection of thine soul. Inference is often the faulty step – but that is a traditionally human problem. If we could infer, we would unlock the Galactic stage already. We have a Specialist emphasizing, fractured Knowledge System and a lot of it – especially in the Theoretical Portions – is what we wish were true – rather than abstract truths that hold about the World. Science ha thus, devolved into a frantic Human race to impose one’s WILL OVER THE UNIVERSE. And the usual rules hold. The Strongest, Cleverest, the est (wo)man wins. 

But, why be Good? Why sacrifice whatever pleasures of the bone and the morrow that could be had in the flesh for some unquantifiable, unspecified thing-in-itself benefit, that no one can really seem to decide if it even exists? Why bet your life on an If?

 The Smart Man follows the Money and Play the Game Shrewdly. The poor stupid sod ends up exploited. And he doesn’t really mind – the Kingdom of Heaven shall be his. After all, Jesus said that the meek SHALL inherit the earth. The exact date of this ascension has conveniently been forgotten by History. How long? How much further should the meek wait? Is it a weakness of his character, that forces him to be satisfied with this conditions? Does he not feel? Does he not have passions? Does his heart not beat? 

The meek man is not good out of a sense of duty or a honor bound compulsion. It is how he is. He is content – he doesn’t mind, that is what he is. It is his nature to be good, to yield his way. He doesn’t because he can, or that he must, but, because he is.

The common riff-raff, has to be good – because they are compensating – as they sin and feel the bucket of their sins get heavier, they feel the noose of death tighten around their necks and they try to heaven the burden of their good deeds – and they choose, what they feel are the sureshots – prayer and charity. Once they were bogged down by one weight, now they are under two. 

The meek, has a certain lightness of character – and feels himself inadequate – but for him the least of transgressions – an erotic thought here, a lustful glance there – constitute what his burdens of grave sins are. And under this non-existent load, he remains perennially buckled. Never retaining the courage to stand with his back erect so he may have the world dance on the palm of his forward facing palm. It is but a Cosmic Joke. 

And so, if there is no Heaven, should we shed our Meekness? Should we become Professors and Lawyers and Doctors and Politicians and Professional Artists? Should we indeed – become Successful? Should we cheapen the Gravity of our Soul?

The answer is laughably simple – We need only Unite. And it is not the fancy unification with BANNERS AND SPEECHES AND DECLARATIONS – that shits for stupid fucks. Only they have the kind of patience. 

Strive for perfection – my counterparts. Strive for perfection, you beautiful pieces of my soul. Together we shall take over the world and they wouldn’t even know what hit ’em. 

Sing the Soulful Strains of the Hurt in Your Soul. Astound with the Searing Brilliance of Your Intellect. Charm the Pants off of them with your Gaze. And most important – HOLD YOUR STANCE! Walk with a Straight Back and a Smile on your Lips. You are the Chosen Child. You are NOT Homo Sapien. You are HOMO FUCKING EMOTICON. YOU ARE THE NEXT STAGE TO THIS EVOLUTION. 

That delightful madness – is after all – an adornment. The Gift of the Memory of the Things to Come. Great things are in the offing. 

 

Nietzsche and the Grad

Nietzsche is most famous for being the philosophy that inspired the Nazi scourge. That, was an unfortunate misinterpretation of him (not the least of Nazi crimes), because Nietzsche has actually given a very accurate description of who his reader – that Hyperborean fellow most suited to understanding him must be like.

The conditions under which any one understand me, and necessarily understands me – I know them only too well. Even to endure my seriousness, my passion, he must carry an intellectual integrity to the verge of hardness. He must be accustomed to living on mountain tops – and to looking upon the wretched gabble of politics and nationalism as beneath him. He must have become indifferent; he must never ask of the truth, whether it brings profit to him or a fatality to him. He must have an inclination, born of strength, for questions that no one has the courage for; the courage for the forbidden; predestination for the labyrinth. The experience of seven solitudes. New ears for new music. New eyes for the most distant. A new conscience for truths that have hitherto remained unheard. And the will to economize in the grand manner – to hold together his strength, his enthusiasm… Reverence for self; love for self; absolute freedom of self…

Very well then! Of that sort only are my readers, my true readers, my readers foreordained; Of what use are the rest? – The rest are merely humanity. One must make one’s self superior to humanity, in power, in loftiness of soul, – in contempt.” – F. W. Nietzsche

Thus, the Nazis were merely – pathetically human.

Nietzsche is also known, mostly for saying “God is Dead” and talking about Übermensch – the Supermen. Thus, his followers are atheists and huge arseholes – you can’t become superman in a day, but you can easily become a giant douche.

Nietzsche claims, that there is a will to power, which he believes is the main driving force in humans : achievement, ambition, the striving to reach the pinnacle in life, these are the various manifestations of the will to power.

The will to power can be called the instinct to power. It can even be construed in evolutionary terms – as the driving force behind the food pyramid. It is what makes the top athletes train for hours, inspires the concert musicians to perfect their craft and forces people to work multiple shifts in a day. Most people will agree. One species won’t!

This very special species is – the Grad Student. Devoid of ambition and infertile, it is a drone most often found doing indentured servitude in forced (mental) labor penal colonies – established and protected by common law – these are called universities in the common vernacular.

These “Grads” as they are often affectionately (or jeeringly, can never tell) called, have an incredible daily hours : pay ratio – such as to make even the burger flippers feel happy.

However, the grad doesn’t mind his shit pay or his long hours, for he has a secret – and a dark one at that. Over a sufficiently long time frame it evolves into a Professor. The jailed become the jailor!

The grad works at this pay in depressing conditions, which will affect his mental health – most (numbers as high as 90% are regularly quoted) suffer from depression, are less likely to be in stable relationships or job satisfaction.

The kicker – Most grads confess not liking their research area, doubting their graduation chances and even job prospects (post graduation), if they even manage to graduate.

What is the angle here? For grads are researchers working on some really cutting edge technologies, they are collectively at the apex of human technological advancement. How can they be so – content? It doesn’t make any sense until you consider a question – who decides to become a grad student and why?

A grad has already completed sufficient education to be employable. Yet, he foregoes that chance at “real” employment instead to slave away at nothing in particular. If you look at Ph.D enrollment figures, they are increasingly all over the world, while Science (and Research) budgets are being cut. What is the play, one has to ask, since this is a crisis just waiting to happen. Or, if you ask the folks working multiple adjunct positions – it has already befallen.

One thing, we can immediately see – is if a person is a rational agent and always seeks to maximize his benefits. For this agent, the opportunity cost of a Ph.D. is gainful  employment. Maybe, that option was simply not there! The grad was Unemployed.

Grads always say that they have a fascination for such and such a field. That they want to advance the state of science and do “Research”. The grad was Naive.

The grad was wholly unprepared and didn’t know what hit him. The grad was Uninformed.

The grad sees a chance of being employed and becoming a professor eventually – the grad is Mistaken.

There are many other factors that I am ignoring here – these seem to be some of the common ones that I have seen. The common strain is that a Grad is somebody who has difficulty making the jump from Student to Employee. Their certain meekness of character is a defining characteristic of the Grad. The Grad is too weak to effect change – remember his dream employment is the Tenure. He is too scared to take a risk, or state his views or even to have a mind of his own. A lot he will advance the State of Science!

The Grads’ will to power is akin to that of a Student (after all, he lugs around books and copies all day). He seeks to please his “Sir” or “Advisor”, and the relation is often more akin to a Feudal Lord and Serf than an Employer and Employee, though they should be seen as coworkers in the project of advancing the State of the Art.

There is a very large homogenizing potential field – building CV’s, citing each others, handing over your research and patents to the Institute (who really doesn’t contribute all that much).

1) ALL ACADEMIC RESEARCH IS DONE BY GRADS.

2) ALL MONEY IS GOBBLED BY THE INSTITUTE.

3) THE GRAD IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FINE WITH THE STATUS QUO.

There is a tendency for Grads to realize something is wrong, it happens, very spectacularly is some cases. Grads don’t even know how to write a letter of resignation! It is seen as a mark and symbol of failure and humiliation! You are forever branded a dropout! The grad pats himself on the back – I am strong, I preserved.

But is it really necessary? Can it not be made more streamlined?

1) SHOULDN’T PROFS BE CHECKING COPIES AND QUIZZES? WHAT DO THEY DO ANYWAYS?

2) WHY SHOULD A GRAD HAVE TO DO TA DUTY IN THE FIRST PLACE? IS HIS RESEARCH OF NO CONSEQUENCE/IMPORTANCE?

3) WHY SHOULD A GRAD HAVE TO PAY TUITION, WHEN HE IS NOT TAKING ANY COURSES?

4) WHY IS HIS COMPENSATION SO PATHETIC THAT WORKING IN A BURGER JOINT IS MORE ATTRACTIVE?

5) WHY ISN’T THE GRAD NOT IN POSSESSION OF THE FREEDOM TO DO HIS RESEARCH HIS OWN WAY?

6) WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TO GRADUATE?

7) WHY ARE THERE NO JOBS NOR EFFORTS TO ENSURE THE PLACEMENT ON GRADS LIKE ALL OTHER STUDENTS?

The usual responses are:

1) This is how things are done.

2) Research is too important to be left to the Grads.

The grads need to realize that nobody gives you anything on a platter. The least likely being Nature divulging her secrets.

Organize and fight! Shed your impotence! Unionize!

DON’T CALL YOURSELF A GRAD STUDENT, YOU ARE A RESEARCH SCHOLAR! DON’T TRIVIALIZE YOURSELF! GROW A FUCKING BACKBONE!

Here is what I am going to do. I am going to take a step – a drastic one at that. I am going to talk to the Director of my institute and ensure that our stipends are released regularly and on time. The thought makes me quiver – what if I am thrown out?

Be like Oliver Twist my friends and ask for the second bowl of soup. For we are sure as hell not going to get it without asking!

Disclaimer

I am adding this because it was suggested by friends. Reading this blog gives a somewhat distorted view of who I am. I mostly write when I am so to speak “mind fucked”, very down or something when my mental equilibrium has been affected. The writing is then part of the effort required to get back to a “saner” mental state.

I have been blogging since 2005 and I have only 125 posts(approx). So that I guess points to the overwhelming majority of good days that I have had. I do not always like being happy, but most of the time I am.

Is Knowledge Finite?

theory_of_everything

(the above image is taken from the internet.)

The brain is sometimes modeled as a computer. It is for most purposes, an apt model. So assuming this model holds, it follows necessarily that our memory capability is somewhat limited. This is found in experience also, we do not remember everything(and most thankfully at that). Also we do not choose what we remember. Memory is somewhat selective in what it retains. However, we can increase the probability of remembering something, by repeatedly memorizing it. All this is not new, this is just background for the kind of point I want to make.

Now there is such a thing as Knowledge, that is somewhat hard to quantify. I refer to it in the common layman term, “things that we can know”.  There are two facts about knowledge that are immediately apparent. First, that some pieces of knowledge can encompass other pieces, if you know relativity, you do not need to know the Newtonian equations, because they are a special case of relativity and relativistic equations transform into Newtonian equations when speeds are slow enough. Secondly there is trivia, that there are almost an infinite pieces of, it can theoretically cover all interactions that all human beings have had with each other and its a many many function. So the total number of pieces of trivia can safely be assumed to diverge. In what follows, I will not talk about trivia at all.

One major component of knowledge is scientific knowledge. While it not the only or even the most important kind of knowledge, it has its own significance in explaining our place in the universe and our relationship with all the things that exist in the universe. Science does this by a set of succinct laws that explain the relationships between various entities, this field of science is normally called physics and I would only talk about this field.

Physics is a vast field, from correlations governing fluid flow to the laws explaining high energy particles. No one, it can safely be said, knows all of it. And it is expanding, new relations are being discovered daily and new theories are being derived that offer new insight into the physical universe we inhabit.The question naturally arises, is physics finite? Or does it diverge?

One feature of physics and indeed of all science is called Reductionism. It basically posits that a complex system can be reduced to the interaction of its parts. What it means in principle is that the universe has been reduced to a number of isolated systems and these systems are described and solved in isolation from other phenomena that is not covered by the system in question. Now the very idea of reductionism is that it must converge, meaning there must a finite set of explanations(or equations) that must describe all physical knowledge. There has been as far as I know, no studies into whether physics or any disciplines of science are convergent are not.

There is a very real chance that knowledge doesn’t converge at all. The day when all scientific enquiry is exhausted is never going to come, our consciences would not allow for that. Why am I sure? Firstly because reductionism doesn’t guarantee convergence. Let us for the moment suppose that all the equations are known, that situation is indeed not very far from where we are today. We can very accurately describe what happened to the universe onwards from 10^-42 seconds after the Big Bang, we have almost perfect knowledge of systems that can be assumed to be linear, where we do not have theoretical constructs, we have obtained experimental correlations. Thus we have a broad idea of how the universe works. Now if we were approaching a situation where all knowledge would soon be known to us, it should be accepted that the number of open questions that we could ask about the universe would decrease(in very crude terms). That a situation would be approaching where, since most things are known and there are not a lot of unknowns left.

How would such a situation manifest itself? Well one way to look at this would be to look at how many publications are being made. It is well known that publications in refereed journals is how scientific knowledge is communicated by the discoverer to the community at large. Thus if we were approaching a situation where we were exhausting all knowledge then the number of publications should be going down.

Such a situation alas seems to be very far, if anything, there has been an increase in the number of refereed publications, over the past few decades. This prolific rate of increase can be attributed to the fact that there are simply a lot more researchers than there were a few decades ago. The research funding has increased, driving demand for more research, leading to more research being supplied(I’ll talk about the Economics of research at some other time). The ease of numerical simulations, the development of new exotic theories like the String Theories are all responsible for this growth. There simply are more questions to be asked today.

In this situation, it is high time we realize that Reductionism has simply not served us as well as was hoped. No one took the burden of collating the knowledge obtained by this reductionist methodology onto themselves, and as far as I know, not much has been done about it. Also reductionism is sort of like a divide and conquer problem, where you break up your problem domain into subparts and solve those subparts individually and then collate these into a single solution. However, what reductionists don’t consider is that new vistas of research often open up, research into an exotic sub-case of one domain can lead to a totally new domain where completely different laws apply(think turbulence, chaos).

In such a situation convergence is no longer guaranteed. It is my frank opinion that we need to think of alternative routes for the furtherance of scientific knowledge, before it dissolves into an unimaginable chaos of disciplines and sub-disciplines, specialties and sub-specialties and sub-sub-specialties and even further down. A situation could very well arise where all the mass of physics would atomize, leaving us empty handed, with faces covered in the soot of knowledge.

A future of accessible scientific knowledge on the other hand, sounds pretty interesting to me.

Loonix Woes

I am again stricken by the Lunix Blues. I installed CAE Linux, which is a repository of CAE software and is needed for I need to do some CAE work, so it has cfd finite elements octave and other packages that are good and useful. It is based on Ubuntu 10.04 so the installation was a breeze. However the installation was not perfect. These are the problems:
1. The resolution is stuck at 1024×800. There is no graphics card other than the onboard intel graphics but even that supports 1600×900 and compositing. KDE doesn’t work, it just gives me a blank screen. I need compositing for it to work I guess. There is no xorg.conf, I guess people decided that xorg.conf is too old and implemented a whole new system.
2. The internet connection is not detected. I don’t even know which module controls the gigabit intel ethernet adapter that is onboard. This is the saddest of conclusions, to not be able to internet. How am I supposed to fix the system if I cannot even google?

So only two gripes but two major gripes. Internet and video. I don’t have the undergrad patience where I could read forum post after forum post and try to make things work. That the internet is not working is sad news altogether. I will I have decided just browse 9gag and reddit on the windows 7 that I installed side by side and that is all.

Update

It has been a long time since I last blogged. I had forgotten the calming feeling of writing things out. But then I don’t really get frustrated these days so it is not very surprising that I don’t feel like writing.

My future is very stochastic atm. There are a couple of things that I want to do, but I would probably end up taking a PhD somewhere, at least that is what I am telling myself these days. We will see what happens when it happens.

On Crying

The first time I cried, it was out of sheer confusion.

My father’s father had died.

I saw my father cry for the first time.

What is he feeling, I wondered?

We came back to our house from the hospital.

There was a crowd.

All the womenfolk were competing with tears.

 

Hasn’t he gone to a better place?

Isn’t the goal of life, to die?

 

Nobody seemed to have shed my father’s tears.

It was the first time I felt really proud to be his son.

 

Why am I not crying? I thought and I thought.

Isn’t a man supposed to be stoic?

I want to shed the pure tears of my father.

I want to share his burden.

 

I didn’t tell this to my parents.

I didn’t want them to lose heart in me.

 

I did tell someone dear.

And cried in her arms,

my purest tears.