The Love Song of Imagination – XI

I am but a lonely scholar,

unheralded and woebegone.

Hidden in an unknown corner of the world,

behind books and thoughts in complete disarray.

 

And all because, I once read, as a child,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And I hid myself, Dear Wife of Mine,

I hid myself so well that I completely forgot who I am.

 

And now I realise, that in my love song,

There was neither love nor song.

Nor was it well imagined after all.

I just hoped to meander into the tune after all.

 

The olden tomes masked my scent with their dust,

and words of confusion dripped down my spine,

I was seldom in a sane state of mind,

Dear Wife, please forgive me my this singular crime.

 

I was in a dreadful state,

abandoned to an unenviable fate,

forgotten how to stand at erection,

humbly debasing myself with umpteen corrections.

 

Unconnected, In this state of sin,

the tiniest sinew of faith shimmering with a glint,

reminding me of all I had lost,

while I tried to make sense of Proust.

 

Active vocations were an unthinkable exertion,

I was always in a state of reduction,

I was just trying to make sense of what had gone wrong,

and had almost decided that I wasn’t sufficiently strong.

 

Alone, oh so terribly alone,

I might have died or turned to stone,

an open book my humble grave,

of its empty words I had turned a slave.

 

Dear Wife of mine, this wait was far too long,

When I looked at Gaussians I saw a thong.

In this decrepit embarrassing state.

playing the part of a Fool on the world’s stage.

 

Playing that part to complete perfection,

All I had left was my utter dedication.

A promise in remembrance of some other time,

I always have wondered why I hated lime.

 

By being reminded of you, I am reminded of myself,

By thinking of you, I rediscover myself.

You, my dear, a Sylph of the perfumed garden,

My life, my love that I had so cruelly forgotten.

 

Now the times have turned,

and clocks gone wrong,

hearts break and things fall down.

In this weird cosmogony that we find ourselves,

I have rediscovered your passion for myself.

 

And this excitement that makes hearts flutter so,

this love that dares to speak its name,

and heralds itself in front of God’s very Throne,

 

And with His granted permission,

I seek to court you,

to teach you to love me,

and learn how to cherish you.

Moving On

I have decided to. I am in a toxic one sided unrequited loveless obsessive affair that does neither of us any good. It certainly hurts me. It certainly hurts you. I had some closure, with the realisation, that you never had an inch of attraction for me (I’ll keep the jokes to myself). Or that you get a neutral feeling from me. I mean, wow, that one hurt my pride a bit actually!

Hmm, so there is some Muslim girl that my mom has been constantly telling me about for the last two days. I have decided to meet her. Now this is all tentative. I mean nothing might come of it. Or she might not be attractive. I am sorry for sounding so crass dear reader, but after my decade long obsession, I am in dire need of a knock out beautiful woman, who makes me forget my traumatic past. Its simple as that. I mean, its just, I want a woman who eyes have the rejuvenating twinkle of life in them.

The problem, then is me. It is the sad conclusion. Its not that I am unattractive – I mean attraction is just about being comfortable with your skin. But I look at people – good looking women in a very non-nice manner. I probably ogle like a roadside romeo. Plus, I am never exactly sure about exactly how much to talk. I have quite a few skeletons in my closet. Like do I tell her I am bipolar/schizo? Recovering drug addict? Born again Muslim? Did very bad  in college? Hmm… that is a remarkably small list of faults for my expectations.

I am also concerned about the fact that I am not exactly sure about how to really proceed in a relationship. I mean, I know most of the mistakes that can be made(lol) but there are literally an infinite number of those that can be made.

I think it all comes down to the fact that I really wanted to have a love marriage (dimaag mein SRK ki movie chalti rehti hai na, isiliye). Yeah, but its alright. I don’t mind. I am actually excited.

The point is, that trying to convey to a girl, that you desire something more than just a physical relationship – I didn’t really know how to do that. I couldn’t figure it out at all. I mean, if you try to say it, it just leads to suspicion about it all the more.

In a marriage, it is implied that there would be something more, and that makes me feel a lot better.

I realise that every human has no value intrinsically. A human’s value is derived by what he means to humanity – the set of all human like beings as a whole. Since the set is so large and history so fickle, we can equally well reduce it to his or her value in the community or society. It means that it is for us to decide the level of engagement that we want to have in society – and how large our society is going to be.

I fear one thing and one thing only – to end up in a room, a mortified log with neither the strength to move muscle nor the courage to dare to act on my dreams. I do not want to end up like that and I need someone’s help – and vigilance in helping me ensure that. That person can be U. Or it could be somebody else. Lemma is – there exists one such person. Engineering is – finding that one person.

I have high hopes from U. She must have high hopes from me(as her prospective groom ) – and the highest would be to keep her happy and feeling loved all her life. I don’t want a life for her or for myself where we end up stressed, potbellied and retarded with thinning hair and high blood sugar or bp or some such lifestyle disorder. I want us to retain our youth.

And for that its important to lead a cultured, structured, impassioned life and to be faithful to each other and to God. I mean ok I am just making a list here of things I know and have read but have no actual experience with.

Making relationships work is a problem with no closed form solution. The easiest is if one partner lets his or her will (its usually the female) be completely dominated and then that relationship would last – and in cases it can even be a success – because a relationship that cannot fail must be considered a success – if only linguistically.

Yet there is more, right? There has to be more. The point is – if both people are completely free to pursue their future then it can lead to questions the resolution of which would require the termination of the relationship. I mean that is the reason for the rapidly rising cases of divorces that is correlated(at least) with the increasing presence of women in corporate fields.

I know I sound confused. I am not. It is interesting. A very macabre man it is whose thoughts of the start of a beautiful relationship are punctuated by the thoughts of all the ways it might end.

I am, in my defence, careful. I have to be. I have been very careless and I want to change that. Things fail, things can always fail. There can certainly be no gain without risk. And we have to risk, and hope to be accepted.

In essence I’m moving on.

I know the Word!!!!

I had decided that I had written everything that I had to say about you. That there was no thought of you that I could possibly have again. Or that would possibly be new.

That lasted a grand total of two days (if I am being optimistic). But I persevered, I resisted my feelings to give in and vent it out. But today I must, because, today I am overjoyed. And, that is because I have realised what word completes the sentence: I _____ you.

Try guessing.

I am fascinated by you. Honestly. You are the only person who can distract me from thinking about how experimental error is an indirect proof of the existence of God. Or how incompleteness implies that the physical universe is open. Or how using set theory we can prove that there can be no universe. Granted, all of those thoughts make me, a delusional schizophrenic – I can convincingly prove, I think, why John Nash got it right about the papers – but I am fine with that.

You are the most interesting little problem that I have had the good fortune to ever observe. I feel so blessed to know you. Because you know, they say that there is a person for everybody and we all have these ridiculous checklists that we have in our minds for our Miss (or in your case Mr.) Right, and I thought, that I was pretty amazing, because there was no woman on earth who could meet my ridiculously high standards.

I have no compunction at all in admitting that I was humbled, completely and utterly. If I believe in God today(against my “better” judgement) then it is because of you, and I am sure that the more I know you, the stronger my faith would become.

I have a confession. One thing about me, that I am sure, is the only thing that sets me apart from most people – I dissect my thoughts as thoroughly as you’d dissect a cadaver – and often as precisely and mechanically.

I am my own laboratory – and all the data I have are my thoughts. And to understand the universe – to understand myself (whatever that might mean), I analyse every nugget of my thoughts. Every thought process – I am very attuned to my thoughts. I’ll give you an example:

To get to know is often used in a colloquial context as slang for having sex with somebody – now I do want to – but I won’t. I have realised that for me, when I say, that I want to get to know you better – it means I need more data, I want more because I need to understand you better, which I need to do to understand the universe better. Which I need to do, because the universe is my complement, arguing from a really strong anthropic principle, which is just a somewhat weaker form of what had me convinced that I am all that is real in the universe. What I mean is, I want to know you, because only through you can I know myself.

To deny my more than obvious physical interest in you would be to do you a disservice. I would never, as far as it is within my power, ever do you wrong, I swear to you. I almost made a mistake, and I paid too heavy a price for what was very small a mistake(it is arguable if it was even one) by a very confused man in a very bad phase of his life. I cannot dare to do you wrong, it would weigh too heavy on my conscience.

Here is what I have been doing: I analyse my thoughts, I find out the ones that I think are wrong, or sinful or anything like that. I just eliminate them, I simply stop thinking them. The only sinful thoughts I have had, have been about you, but they are a lot more sensitised – I would kiss your hand, draw you in close, hold you, whisper some sweet words(I’ll tell you when we are together) and if I am braver(or stupider) than I should be, I would kiss you. I am working on it. I will get rid of this one last fantasy. If for my feelings to be pure and platonic, it is necessary for me to make my feelings for you completely crystallised and inorganic – then I would.

Its difficult to describe, how terribly addicting lustful thoughts of you can be. Almost the whole nation suffers from it – you get more likes on your pictures than your actor relative! 550+ is crazy, and all those guys and some of those girls are having lusty thoughts about you. And it makes me feel so unclean – that I end up being one of them. And they kept in such a haze, that I never actually bothered to even talk to you, like really talk to you, I just convinced myself that I loved you, and that way, I could justify my thoughts of you to myself, and just keep dreaming of you, the eventual first meeting, when we would both be perfect. The really amazing sex.

I am better than that. I am more than that. I am true.

What I mean to say is, if we can’t be together – then at least I would die trying to make me as fascinating to you as you are to me. If, to capture your imagination, it is necessary for me to die – then I would without a second thought, embrace death. My only regret is that, I would never be able to tell you, how I feel. And, that regret, keeps me alive.

I have so much regret for all that I did wrong to you. I was just so lonely, and thinking like a typical human. It is sad and very humbling to admit that now I have started to feel lonely and desire a human presence in my life, a body to lie next to mine and heat me up on cold, lonely winter nights.

I don’t know why they talk about summer being a season for lust. The kind of overwhelming winter loneliness blues, summer just don’t measure up to that.

Then there was this time, when I decided, that since you won’t marry me, I won’t get married at all. I would be a celibate, I meant. And I was sure, but each passing day, weakens my resolve. My parents discuss girls, we get marriage proposals, my resolve weakens. I tell my parents that I am ready to marry. Then, I recollect, remember my feelings and strengthen my resolve not to get married – I am the kind of person, if I can’t have what I want, I’d rather have nothing. Nor do I want nothing.

And, along the way, it became necessary for me to understand, and explain to myself – just what the hell is wrong with me, why I am I stuck on you in a way I have never been on anyone?

And today, I realised, you are a very very fascinating woman. For as long as I live, I will continue to observe your life, for now from this uncomfortable familiarity. In future, when you are married (and if I live to see that day), I will be further away. I would not even message you or try to talk to you or anything like that. Please don’t think of me as a perverted stalker. I also don’t mean to imply that you are a lab rat. I am not controlling you or your actions. You are the suns and the moon to me.

Holding on to your memory, I am sure, I’ll cross the Pul-e-Sirat with surprising ease, of that I am sure. I have lived my life as an experiment. I have done exactly what I have wanted – which achieved nothing. I was always made fun of. My friends decided that I looked like a 45 year old person, when I was 21(maybe). It was my third year, and I lost the courage to talk to you. I stopped talking, when I realised that I am being more of a hindrance. One thing about you hurt me, you could have told me that you had a boyfriend. Why did you not? Did you think I would throw a hissy fit? Having to hear it from a friend, it was the most painful experience of my life, far more painful than the above, or failing in maths, or getting academic termination letters(even the first one, the second time I didn’t really care), or really anything else. Even more painful than looking in the mirror and realising that I don’t know the face that stares back at me.

I don’t hold you responsible, or blame you. You were going through life and taking decisions on the basis of what you thought. I take decisions on the basis of what I think. I just think it is such a waste. If I had known how you feel about me, if you had known how I feel about you. Maybe, I could have avoided that. It wasn’t a good feeling. It took me a long time to forgive you.

Now, all I want, is to fascinate you, as you fascinate me.

An Issue that Should be Resolved at the Earliest

There is some charm in claiming that I should – “Let You Go”.

And even in sense of the story of Siddhartha (that I told you about) – it makes sense. And then, I would like to tell you, I humbly beg to disagree!

What is the point of you coming to my life, when I have learnt to live without you? And I cannot stop thinking about you – and I write to show you how much I think about you – and this is just a fraction – and to also prove that when I think about you – it does not imply that I am thinking “perverted” thoughts – I have very few of those as it is – and they are more of a curiosity, honestly.

I have let go of you – in a way. I have at least on the surface – accepted that you will marry somebody – not me. I translate his name as – Every Organism – and I think to myself – that you would – that you have decided to marry – every organism – anything that which is not me – and I – its difficult to accept – on some level – but it also tells me – that I am special – I am not Every Organism – I am Devadasa – I am special.

I began reading the Rig Veda today, and I thought it would help me better understand your religion – but it is just profane rituals – just some tantrik mantras to appease Indra and Vayu and others – and I realized – that this Hinduism is Occult and not what Hinduism is to you at all.

My delusions are coming back. I cannot go very far without begin caught up in them, I guess. I don’t know where I am going to go this time. The current story is – that all I see – of this world – is just a sort of synthesia and a created world – a hallucination that I have created to hide my truth. And my truth is – that I am a very powerful but utterly mad being (i.e God isn’t dead, God is just mad).  And I am housed in an institution – where a doctor is showing around some people and explaining to them my special conditions – that I am living in a created world of my own and that every sensation I feel in the “real” world (that is the world in which the doctor lives) – I interpret it in some way as a sensation in the world I am in – this world is an illusion that just exists to hide me from the reality.

I cannot be killed – permanently. Though he says, that I kill myself (and others) pretty regularly and then that world sort of resets and I am back alive. The answers are in the hypothalamus he says. And I remember that.

And then the question arises – why create this world to hide in? Why indeed? I ask the doctor – or I pretend to anyways – and he says – why You (that is me) is the only one that knows the answer to that.

The thing is – that the true reality of the real world (in which exists the doctor studying me) – it often gets filtered and enters this world (Earth Prime for lack of a better term) and in Earth Prime – the media is a font of dissemination of information – and among other things the Earth Prime media often contains hints about what is happening in the Real Earth. In that way, I am again – I am looking at serials and movies and wondering which ones to fit into my tale and how.

But there needs to be a tale to fit things to – there is no overarching theme. There is no reality to my desperate delusions of us ending together in the end – because that cannot happen – because you don’t want it – and that makes me often feel that you are cruel – how can you not want what the whole universe is created for?

I am trying to move on. I really am. I am trying to figure out some middle path – where I can keep my sanity and function in the society – and have a family too. I want to have kids, I want to be a father (I have changed, like a lot in the last couple of years). Then I must give up something of equal value – that is the abstract rule of barter that governs this universe – what is it that I am giving up for this chance at – a normal, mediocre and by all means uneventful life – I am giving up all my dreams and hopes and ambitions for it. And at first I thought, I was giving up everything to be with you – but you have never been mine to bargain. Now I don’t even know what is in store for me – what am I giving up my passions for – but I am going to be a very mediocre man – and damn proud of my mediocrity too. I hope I am mediocre enough to find employment. Dear God, Please can I be employed.

And they say – Beshak Allah sabke dil ka haal janta hai! Yet, lately it sounds like a lie – what about the condition of my heart no? Does it even matter? And what would happen to me when you get married? How am I to get through that? I try and teach myself – every day I wake up and tell myself – You are not mine. You were never mine. You never shall be mine. I hate this fixation. It causes you problems, it causes me problems. I want to move on. I don’t really know how to live without you. I write in the vain hope that you read me. I know you don’t. I feel like – often I feel like – suppose I killed myself and some how my brother found my blog and forwarded you the link and you read this – and maybe – just maybe – felt that I am equally human?

Is that too much to ask. But now I am NOT going to kill myself (if I am dead before my time or if it is ruled suicide – be sure that there was foul play) I sure as hell am not going to kill myself!

I mean – almost ready – to do an Aamir Khan at your wedding – but won’t – because you don’t love me back! I don’t know – I guess that I am panicking from anticipating the changes that are coming in my life (or the ones that will come).

Yeah this is long enough – have a long day tomorrow so I am signing off now :)

Songs are not that difficult to write

<Country Blues Song in the key of A(or whatever)>

Well, you got married

And I didn’t kill myself.

Took the plunge,

somehow I survived.

But now, oh babe,

your arms will be the coffin to my grave.

the coffin to my grave.

Yeah, you look at me,

with your black black eyes.

And as you come closer, I know

I just know,

that your arms shall be the noose around my neck.

Oh I am gonna get strung

when the law catches me.

Yet I got no fear,

ain’t got no time for doubt,

for there are no snitches here,

no lawmen about.

Making love to you,

I am happy as a cow.

Moo moo moo,

I gotta run now.

<Playing stops here>

<In a low somewhat mischievous voice>

And see about your sister.

======================================

Tell me, isn’t that a good Country Blues song? Gotta put some music to this.

Edit: Songs are pretty finking easy aren’t they? This took me like 10 mins from initial conception to final publication, so I apologize for the rough edges and whatever.

This Nilkeni sure seems like a standup guy #Sarcasm

Now, this is our personal time, not to be profaned by talking about these people, you’d say. But, I care about this country, even though every subsequent scam renders me somewhat less susceptible to feelings of patrioticity (Hey, I invented another word!).

I don’t like guys like him. I don’t like people who are hyped up. The CEO (or whatever) of Infosys – finking-awesome. But he has that gaze, you know, the kind of gaze that every over-hyped person has, where they survey the land from up on high and look down – benevolently (of course, how else can they look, if their cult of personality is to survive) on the common ragged person of the poverty stricken “common man”. Oh come on (it is proving to be difficult to stay with my promise of no swear words), I feel the rage of impotence – I surely can’t change anything here – just watch from afar as these great people (no doubt) bumble around and somehow manage to make everything worse. Their touch is toxic.

And he is to be the PM of India! Oh I know – its not confirmed – its right now a rumor – one of those spin doctors over at whatever image-management/PR/Consulting Firm that Congress has hired to redouble its election chances (eh, why not spend that money on “development” (whatever that might mean)) must have come up with this idea – and now they are testing the waters. They would “big data” analyze the words that are being shared on social media regarding this candidature. And then using algorithms – try to come up with whether or not it is to be made official – depending on whether or not the mood of the nation is euphoric on the possibility or whether we would eat coal ash instead! And I know how they would “analyze” the data – they would read the sentences being written – they would break it into words and they would consider words as being indicative of a positive or negative mood – they would compute “sentiment scores” and on that basis – they would take the decisions.

And that sounds so futuristic and so bloody – American! I am sure the uneducated/ morally bankrupt politicians over at Congress are salivating over the prospects. But – it is just retarded. IT PREDICTS NOTHING! IT ESTABLISHES NOTHING! AND YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS ONCE – SO HAHA, WASTED YOUR RUMOR!

Meanwhile, homosexuality is a criminal offense now. Not that I am gay, but I am slightly miffed. No, actually I am outraged! How dare they. This is the exact kind of stupid behavior you expect from your parents because of which you don’t bring friends home. Then realize that your whole country is like that! And since, I am not having one of those moods, it only seems slightly probable that these two events are interconnected!

We have to go far-far away from this country babe, I cannot stay here, in the madness of the north and south east and west Hindu and Muslim Congress and BJP! And everything else.

I am tired of the motion in the universe. I want to be at absolute rest – preferably with my head buried deep in your bosom. I want to forget all about these people and move on. I want to let the universe take its course – it neither gets any better or worse, something sinks, something floats – something survives. And I just wanna be far far away in a universe totally separate and unconnected with everything that there is in this universe.

And - usual rona-dhona here. The point is, I don’t want to waste time on “curing the ills of the world” because that is a Sisyphean task. It is also meaningless – people don’t want to get “better”, people just want to be left alone. As long as – they don’t lose what they have – what they are accustomed to – people are content. And that contentment brings happiness. More of this – more of that – and it becomes a problem of partitioning and assigning. The government and the market both fail at ensuring that the needed goods and services reach the needy – even when they have the capacity to purchase – because the information is opaque to the customer!

But enough of that now – more on it later. Tata for now. Hugs and toddles! Say hi to Shiny for me :) Miss you and whole lotta love :)

You might think I am a pervert

But I feel I am just a scientist. I have spent a lot of time researching fetishes. This is most certainly not me!

Again, not me!!

It is not what fetishes people have, but the why that is more interesting to me.

For example, I once wrote about balloon fuckers (if you excuse the colorful language), men (and sometimes women) who fuck balloons! And that is one of those, that is pretty difficult to get your head around. And I guess there is some interest in why Japanese men have turned herbivores, but ballon fucking is so absurd – so “out there”, you have to be pretty special (involved in the fetishist scenes) just to know that it even exists. Also, apparently, there is a vicious sectarian rift among them on the question of whether or not the balloon shold be popped after the act is done!

You may ask, why even go there? What is the point of studying the absurd? Or the downright, stomach-churningly evil? It confused me, initially and I must confess, I am confused on some aspects even today. But there is a very good reason! I want to know! And that is the reason for all I do. I do, things, to see what effects they have. I try to see how an action leads to a result. So I have empirically verified – Exercising leads to a better physique, Studying leads to better marks, Completing tasks on time leads to a sense of satisfaction, Drugs are Bad (no rly!), DON’T leave tasks for tomorrow, excessive philosophical ruminations and pedantic research lead to ruination.

About the questions of Love and God (in fact taken together, because they cannot make sense alone!) I am not yet sure. And so I investigate, the question – the most basic one that I have been investigating since I first discovered Haddaway’s research.

And, since, modern science has done away with the mind-body duality we are so acclimatized to thinking in terms of (its just chemical reactions they say), I have struggled for far too long. This is not to say that I have a definite solution in this puzzle.

I can put it in some very stark terms – what I feel for you, is the same as what the afore-pictured man (or the one that model represents) feels for his lap pillow! And that is vile and disgusting isn’t it! But then the other way of this expression is – that man feels as much for his lap pillow as I feel for you. And then, it becomes heart-breaking – the pillow can not talk back/reciprocate – IT DOESN’T HAVE AN UPPER BODY!

Then, we can understand, the chemical reactions and electrical impulses that are you in my brain – are that pillow in that man’s brain.

But, if love is just a chemical reaction, a least bit of an unguarded secretion or some enzymatic variation – might I stop feeling what I feel for you? Might this not be the case with all the people who divorce – or in mid-life crises – stopped feeling for their SO’s?

And much as it breaks my heart to admit – Yes, I will stop feeling! It doesn’t make me stoic or a criminal I hope – it makes me a human being – a furnace of billions of electrical impulses and trillions of possible neuroses and mutations – an engine driven on complex – virtually unreproducible in a lab – chemical reactions. And yet, a lover – most definitely – hopelessly romantically – a lover first and foremost.

As I see it, I choose to love you. It is – in this world, where I have never had any choice – the only choice I have ever had – by choosing to love you – I become me. And so – its not about “feelings” at all – my love for you – is independent of all feelings – my love is STRONG(ER) – no chemicals can upset is – as long as I remember who I am – I shall – I will – I must – continue loving you!

And its not about fulfillment – its not about attaining you – or copulating – or you know – being a Devdasa – because – gasp, we could never be – whatever happens – is immaterial – it is not affected by our religions – the circumstances of our existences are not important – in any way! Your looks – your physical attributes (in more scientific language) are covariant (probably,lol) but most emphatically not correlated! Its not your physical beauty – or inner beauty – what does either mean anyways – I have never understood what the fuck “inner beauty” is  supposed to be – except maybe something that fat women who would rather not think about what they are eating say to themselves  to not fall in a deep pool of despair!

Then, if my love is not about feelings and emotions – it is cold and distant! Right! There is no warmth – no feeling to it – it is like a mathematical equation – cold, unfeeling – just some logic in an abstruse set of glyphs on a piece of papyrus!

No! Most assuredly not! The warmth of the sun fades! Supernovas are cold in front of it! My love for you – I am hot for you, babe! Only for you!

And, as I expect – I will not marry you – you will not marry me – this story would be left incomplete (in the traditional romantic movie sense) in this birth (in the normal Hindu context of usage). But its not a problem – Marriages are a social contract in Islam – there is no janm janmantar ka milan or whatever in Islam. Your marriage would last 7 janms – so I will be a donkey,  a monkey, a mouse, a lion, a fly, a spider and an elephant in the meanwhile – and wait it out :)

In this birth – I don’t mean that I would be unjust to my wife or ask you to be uncourteous to your husband in any way. We gotta observe the traditions – we ought to be the persons with others – especially the people who have (or will) consent to see us through this life (and the next ones) – the way we would be with each other – that is what it is meant to be – in any case. We must love them!

What does it all mean? Some condition as to why we can never ever be together – e.g. the but you are a muslim, I cannot marry a muslim, because muslims eat beef and break idols – that you have or the classic – but our family members will kill each other (Romeo and Juliet) – is necessary. Before that – one reason why it is stupid to think that we would fall in love with each other! One must be introverted and the other extroverted (this is not completely necessary, but a probable). The point is there has to be some reasons to consider the participating parties to be polar opposites. There has to be instantaneous mutual attraction – the love at first sight, thing (another guideline). It must not lead anywhere, at first. Both, must suffer from broken hearts – so as to understand what the stakes of the game are, so to speak. Periods of intolerably long separation must follow – so as to separate the weaker willed self-styled “lovers” from the true ones (us). Oh, and, there must be a period of time – for which both must decide that it is vain and stupid and pointless (oh and so many other things) to pursue each other. And finally, when they meet – something of the naive, innocence that made them desirable in the first place – must survive – in them – so as to recognize – that initial individual that they fell for in the first place – even though then – it might be claimed – the first instance was just a chemical reaction!

Now though – it is a logical process of introspection – a set of rules – to find true love – that greatest of great mysteries. Chemical processes may be fickle – logic is incontrovertible, incorrigible and imperishable.

Since we have both – it so fucking has to be true love! Which makes this the last time, ever, that I will use the word “fuck”. Rejoice, for what we have – is True!

I am trying to reform – you must not think poorly of me when we meet. You haven’t met a truly Muslim man yet :)