Not actually a poem, but a sad sequence of philosophical questions I once dreamt up.

I will die when I am dead.

When I die the world ends.

All life is meaningless when you have to die anyways.

I await my grave, I think there I’ll find some of the peace that I crave for.

I am sick of all the longing and the belonging, its a system that is doomed to fail.

I can kill myself and not die.

Nothing, nothing in this world is worth working for.

Humans are the sorriest of all beings. The fact that we have a psyche is the cruelest joke that God has ever played. I hope He is happy. I am just nauseated.

All the deception and the falsehood makes me horny.

All the fighting that goes on is actually funny, its like watching kids fighting it over in a kindergarten.

I can with no degree if sincerity claim that I feel sorry for my fellow humans. We’re all wretched. We all deserve to die. In fact that may be why we all die.

Death that may just be the most beautiful word in our vocabulary. A state of infinite peace with no noise, no voices in my head. That is my utopia. Any other is doomed to fail.

Needs, wants, feeds and hungers. That quite succinctly is a human.

If nothing is worth working for, why work? It is like the most pointless thing in this galaxy. I just hope I am well fed.
A contradiction maybe. There are so many at every turn, and our lives so flimsy. Our existence so fleeting. I wonder what is my raison d’etre. None in fact. Then why do I exist? Just to question my existence? Then again, do I really exist?

That is an answer that warms my heart. I do not exist and nothing matters. It is just so easy to presume that, so easy that I can’t deny it.
I think, that should be proof enough. Then everyone else exists because I think. That gives me a central position in the whole universe. The question arises, one that I ask myself over and over. Why me? I have finally found an answer. There is no me. There never was one to begin with.
Even so if I am but a dream? Then whose? Is this a proof of God’s existence? Or I am just a chemical reaction?
I know my future. At some point of time in this century I am going to be no more.
The world will continue on as forever. This is a solution I can’t accept. How can I be so lowly, if I really am made in God’s image, how come I am so worthless?
If I really am nothing, then what am I?

Sorta makes me wish for November rains.

Why go through the pains of creating such an enormous world full of individuals?
I really want to ask God this.

If you really ask me, God is a megalomaniac. But I guess that does not makes him bad. I am particularly incensed at the fact that he chose to create me.
I also realize what I really want with life. Quiet, peace and to be left alone with my thoughts. I am assuming an endless supply of food and cigarettes. Everything else I can substitute. Really tells me how much I care for anyone else in the world.
But I am trying to acceot this fact also. I will move on. I will get all the peace that I deserve from life, and then an infinity of silence. Bliss. Heaven.

Anyways I gotta split. I am getting rather hungry. Maybe I’ll publish this post, maybe I won’t.

Like that it matters.

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Matters when I haven’t blogged in months. I am scared. I cannot write anything worthwhile anymore. What has changed? I wonder? Maybe I am playing too many games. Infact I havn’t posted ever since I got my laptop. Needless to say, the laptop rocketh.